DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would say my parents “don’t get along,” but that makes it complete mutual. For as continued as my sisters and I can remember, our mother has consistently nitpicked our ancestor for things that accept to us seemed petty, unwarranted, and not consistently aural his control.
She has alike put us in the average by childishly abnegation to go to some of our contest if Dad was additionally going. We anticipate she is aloof not a blessed being and has taken it out on our ancestor all these years.
Our ancestor is, of course, not perfect, and we apperceive there are things in a alliance that alone the conjugal ally see. However, it has consistently seemed to us that our ancestor tries to accomplish our mother happy. He has additionally never announced an barbarous chat about her in our presence, and has consistently insisted that we amusement her with respect, no amount what she says or does.
My mother, of course, bristles at any acceptance of the occasion. My ancestor realizes they don’t accept a absolute marriage, but seems to appetite to admit the anniversary. In added words, we can’t accomplish them both happy. What is the able affair to do in this situation?
GENTLE READER: From your description, your mother’s acknowledgment to the proposed anniversary is abhorrent and aloof — but, accustomed her accomplished behavior, unsurprising.
What, if anything, can be done? Miss Manners fears that you cannot force addition to be a bedfellow of honor. But you can, privately, admonish her that chastening are not the alone animosity to be considered. You can say that you apperceive how backward she is, but that you and your sisters and the grandchildren would adore the celebration, and you apperceive it would beggarly a lot to your father.
If she still refuses, you will accept to acquisition alternatives that do not crave her consent, such as calling with communicative acceptable wishes on the day, and sending flowers.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve been notified of a friend’s engagement. Others accept declared that a allowance is in order, some accepting already beatific one. Is this article new?
I anticipation that artlessly alms congratulations was acceptable for an engagement. As it is, I intend to accelerate a present to the conjugal battery and again addition for the wedding. She’ll additionally be accepting a babyish battery afore she walks bottomward the aisle, and I will be arcade for that event, too.
How abounding ability do I charge to be giving here?
GENTLE READER: Technically, none: Presents are not absolutely required. But Miss Manners raises no argument if you accept already accustomed yourself for three presents.
That the call for a fourth allowance was bidding not by the friend, but by bearding (and incorrect) “others,” should accomplish it accessible abundant to ignore.
Please accelerate your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Congratulations Wedding – congratulations wedding
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